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20 September 2007 @ 04:47 pm
i was sitting a eagles today with a pen and paper.

Today was the not streching sunrise it could have been. I did not revolve around an idea or play along with the fact that i try too hard. I was not outstanding or the inevitable relapse of a criss-crossed empty cold AA chair that will continue to hold unkind secrets. i was what i have always been and will continue to be long after this body says fuck this darling, its time to part ways. Im learning to expect this with open arms, learning to adapt the the fact that i will never understand, and for once im trying to imbrace the thought of happiness being ok. i am afraid of you. I am afraid of what you could be that i might never be able to come to terms with. Its the way i hold things back, the sucking and sucking and absorbing. i tryin keep keep coming without letting a drop of you out.  

While somewhere in Malasia their is a child that will never hear our story. never never never will they think of the nights we spent spun sweating swimming in the sheets of blood stained spills. the moments in which we would rather die than to let go of the others body. The days that ran into weeks that ran until they conviced us to do the same and run along with them, leaving everything we knew in return for all we were ever promised. we did this with no plan or pity or underlying passion. We did it for we thought we had no other choice. There is no ultimate escape. there never was.  we are only our stories. we are only what we have ever tried to explain.

the Baron Tootoo IIIcrackity__jones on September 21st, 2007 05:36 am (UTC)
living is easy with eyes closed
misunderstanding all you see
it's getting hard to be someone, but it all works out
it doesn't matter much to me