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09 November 2008 @ 08:04 pm
Does it make sence when i say that i feel like i was never ment to be one of the ones to get away? i wasn't suppose to get out. I feel like everyone i care about is at home, argueing, drinking, staying up on adventures, and all i wanna do is be next to them, decaying with em. But instead i left them, just like every other face that we saw come and go. I feel less and less a part of something everyday. when will i let myself be content?

i dont regret moving here. i gotta keep reminding myself of that. Fuck regret. i just miss the the life and people and trouble of the city. At least at home we could tryin stay outta trouble, Here..there anit even any trouble to tryin stay out of!

I realise im not my brother. He is nomadic, isolated and doesn't need people. He grew up moving states every other year and taught himself not to attach himself to anything. I on the other hand was rasied in the Bay Area, it's where my roots lay. I understand i am glorifing the Bay, hell i KNOW ive been miserable there, but i got though it and i suppose thats why im so attached to it. It's where ive evolved. I need human contact. And as nice as the big, free, wide, open sky is up here, i still miss the dirt,grime, and nights of home. I feel disconnected up here, but going home isn't the answer yet. I don't know what is. Im sick of being alone. I left everything, and everyone i had grown to love.

God, all i talk about is me, me, me, and i barley even know who the fuck that is.
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