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18 September 2007 @ 12:39 am
 im fucking sick and tired of everyone else problems becomeing my own. 
i don't like confontation, so i don't do it. why? becasue there is enough bad vibes and hate in the world and i don't feel like i have any place to add to it. so no. vinny. katie. everyone. i am not ignoring you because i like it. but you don't  know half to story and i would never tell you the enitre story beucase that would hurt you more than any lie or lack of communication ever could.

(if this doesn't sound like its addressed to you, dont worry. its not.)
14 September 2007 @ 02:39 pm
 Tylers out of prison. 11 months at Corcoran and now hes back. All is well though. It was erie and awkward haning out in the Islander with both Tyler, Joe, Melissa, Gracie and I, all sober, excluding joe of course. Bored and restless, i ask what sober people do for fun, Melissa says drink and thats what we do. Its nice, Im no longer afraid of Tyler. wierd. When apporched my Gracie and I, Tyler says doesn't even remember the night last summer when he tried to kill us... weird. lol oh man.

its quite lame. honestly the thing i look forwards to now-a-days is Eagles for lunch. The human contact feeds me. People get me excited. i feel like its a pre set up audience. free friends for a hour. haha pathetic. But then the bell does its thing, and they all retreat back indoors. 

good luck today Graice. you are beautiful ..always have been..
02 August 2007 @ 10:05 am
I don't understand what happend tuesday. Daniel and i, really drukeningly, decided to buy $100 worth of shrooms from willie. We ate them at 11pm. After walking from Bay st, to park st, to webster, to my house, and then the crab cove, we sat by the water for a long time. I didn't know what was happening, reality was fucked and i can hardly even remeber what went on. upon leaving, we sat down  on Central and talked.  He began crying, saying things like, "you dont  understand hannah..when you say 'i love you' it donesn't sound real... you are not obbligated to be my friend"  i feel completey worthless. What the fuck happened. I recieved a message from Katie Royce, who has every reason to hate me, and after i listening to that, along with seeing the ways daniel feels.. i have fucked up, big time. At this point I am confuzed, diliruos, sad, and cold. We parted our ways, i had nowhere to spend the night, my house was locked so i sat in my backyard until 1:30am. But then i decided to waklk over  to broadway and see if daniel would let me stay at his house, nope, so i call alexa, she doesn't pick up, so im left with my last option, my brother. i stumble into his apartment and 3am.  His gives me water and goes to bed.  I miss Gracie. That is such an understatement, there is so much more emotion involved than just simpley missing her. i don't know. i just want her to be home. 

21 July 2007 @ 10:34 pm
i spent today by the water by myself. i wanted to call someone. but rather someone would call me. but seeing as how i never pick up my phone, i wasn't surpised to find that people have stopped calling. so i sat. and sat. and sat. i called the NA world services phone number asking when and where the nearing meeting was, but of course it is Saturday, and alameda has no fucking meethings today whatsoever.  today was hard. hard.

Vinny is making my stomach hurt. I don't know what to do for him. i try to help, but i have nothing to say. i don't get it.  

today was a bust.
05 July 2007 @ 09:55 am
More and more, my experiences , my memories, my past,  all just feel like a story about some kid that a friend of a friend told to me. I almost feel unreal. As if i am lieing, constantly.  It's not that im questioning myself, my truth. It's just that i don't feel as if reality is real anymore. it's an a weird sensation. Any moment you can change yourself, your life.. and yet through all my changes, i can hardly relate to any of what i use to be. As if i have forgotten what it was like to not be this way, right now. i feel distant from myself.
Current Mood: restlessrestless
23 June 2007 @ 03:09 pm
ok. fuck. no more acid for hannah for a very long time. 

Yesterday I met up with Sierna, Bryce, Ricky and Daniel around 2. Sierna provived one free hit of acid for all of us. All was going amazingly, kicking it in jackson park, and then around 8pm Sierna was able to convince us all to take the bus to the city and spend the night there. This sounded like an amazing idea and within no time we were on market street. We went to Siernas friend's house (clover and loveshock) who gave just shots of tiquilia and sent us on our merry way at around 11:30pm. This is when things got far too fun. We went to a party in the mission and then 30 mins into the party we all decide we wanted go to hippy hill and spend the night there. After a long time atempting to make our way to haight, we finally ended up in the park, only to find that everything is soaking wet due to the lovely fucking sprinklers :)

Sierna then finds 5 more gel tabs of acid in her wallet, two of which i take. At 3am we are running from the cops through the park, Bryce hides in a bush and we all keep heading up a hill. The cop then makes us all sit on the ground. Bryce and I, being under 18, are in a tricky situation. "what are two alameda 17 year olds doing at 3am in Golden Gate Park" ..fuck if i know... After much sweet talk, the cop lets us all go, with the execption of Ricky, who has a warrent out for his arrest. We are eventually all released, and then happen to realise that the cop stole Rickies wallet. Fuck  SFPD. we never got it back.

we found our way back to mission where we spend the night in the back of a US Bank parking lot.  Cold, wet, sleep deprived and very acidic we head home on bart at 7am today. i have never felt so happy to be back in Alameda.

i love my life.
and showers are the best invention ever .

Current Mood: sleepyi need sleep
13 June 2007 @ 02:12 pm

 haven't been doing many productive things lately. Although, i am planning out a hardcore yardsale that alexa and i came up with. We are becoming 'Garage Sailors', which intitles us selling our life in our driveway to strangers, and with the profit we shall buy plane tickets to places of our desire. Garage Sailing around the world. fuck yea. 

i got off the phone with Vinny the other day. i was angry and questioning whom the angry was directed toward. Why did we feel it so nessasary to lead a revolution against the corperate bastards of camp? What did we prove? Did we really think we would win, or did we all deep down know that we were fighting a losing battle? Why were we unable to settle and put aside our diferences for a place that we love? Did we really sacrifie the kids just to prove a point? i fell like we let them down, i feel like i was let down. It no ones fault, the situation in genral was awful. i just don't see why it had to end to way it did.  We gave up. We could have done more. We were so intent on fighting  'the man' that we lost perspective about what really matters. We didn't need to become martyrs.

summers here in one day. i want to hop on a train and go to utah with gracie to gircs inc camp as kitchen staff..or something wonderful :)

staying human, hannah

Current Mood: contentcontent